Does suppression of discord have a negative effect on a relationship?

 

Do people have to be enemies to be in conflict?
Does being in conflict make people enemies?

Interpersonal conflict exists whenever two or more people disagree. Conflict occurs between friends and lovers as well as between competitors and enemies. The discord may be caused by a simple misunderstanding, or beliefs. Because conflict is an unavoidable aspect of interactions, it’s essential to know how to deal constructively with it.

Many people assume that any kind of conflict is inherently bad and that it should be suppressed if an at all possible. In reality, conflict is neither inherently bad nor inherently good. It is a natural phenomenon that may lead to either good or bad outcomes, depending on how people deal with it. When people see conflict as negative, they tend to avoid coping with it. Of course, some-times avoiding conflict can be good. If a relationship or an issue is of little importance to you, or if you believe that the costs of confrontation are too high, avoidance might be best way to handle a conflict.

Suppression of discord usually has a negative effect on a relationship in spite of efforts to conceal it. For example, people in distressed marriages use more avoidance than people in no distressed or satisfied marriages. When dealt with openly and constructively, interpersonal conflict can lead to a variety of valuables out comes.

Among other things, constructive confrontation may

·        Bring problems out into the open where they can be solved.

·        Put an end to chronic sources of discontent in a relationship.

·        Lead to new insights through the airing of divergent views.

To manage conflict effectively, you need to know what you are dealing with. You can see five types of conflict commonly: Pseudo conflicts, fact conflicts, policy conflicts, value conflict and ego conflicts.

Pseudo conflict is just what it says a false conflict.

Fact conflict occurs when people disagree about issues of a factual nature. The way to deal with such fact based conflicts is to check the facts and then dwell into who was right and who was wrong.

Policy conflicts arise when people disagree about how to handle a particular situation. Successfully resolving a policy conflict depends on finding a solution that addresses the problem and the feelings of both people. Policy conflicts can recruit when two people agree on a policy but one or both fail to follow through on it.

Value based conflicts are a particular problem in intimate relationship. IF couples can recognize conflicts as value based, they can understand that an issue is important to the other person and that he or she is not just being stubborn. Nonetheless, when irresolvable conflicts become an ongoing source of distress in relationship, they can lead to breakups. You can minimize value based conflicts by matching up with a person who has similar values.

Ego based conflicts often arise when one or both parties lapse into negative personal judgments about a content or value based issue under discussion. People most often slip into judgmental statements when they have expertise or a special stake in the discussion. Before you realize it, you are hooked by your emotions, lose the ability for rational thought, and find yourself saying things you can’t take back. Because individuals perceive so much to be at stake, ego based conflicts are difficult to manage. For this reason the best way to handle them is to recognize them early on and to move the conflict back to a content level. Unfortunately, even minor disagreements can erupt into aggressive (and possible lethal) confrontations.

Learning how to manage conflict is an essential skill in today’s world. Studies have consistently revealed five distinct patterns of dealing with conflict:
Avoiding / withdrawing, accommodating, competing/ forcing, compromising, and collaborating. Two dimensions underlie these different styles: interest in satisfying one’s own concerns and interest in satisfying one’s own concerns and interest in satisfying other’s concerns.

Avoiding / withdrawing refer to low concern for self and others. For minor problems this tactic is often a good one, there’s no need to react to every little annoyance. For bigger Conflicts, it is not a good strategy; it usually just delays the inevitable clash.

Accommodating refer to low concern for self and high concern for others. People who are overly concerned about acceptance and approval from others commonly use this strategy of surrender.

Competing / forcing refer to high concern for self and low concern for others. The competitor turns every conflict into a black and white, win or lose situation. Competitors will do virtually anything to emerge victorious from confrontations; thus, they can be deceitful and aggressive including using verbal attacks and physical threats.

Compromising refer to moderate concern for self as well as others. Compromisers are willing to negotiate and to meet the other person halfway. With this approach, each person gives up something so both can have partial satisfaction. Compromising is a fairly constructive approach to conflict, especially when the issue is moderately important.

Collaborating refer to high concern for self and others as well. In this approach, conflict situation, try to give the other person as an equal. If you have a higher status or more power (parent, senior), try to set this difference aside.

Define the conflict as a mutual problem to be solved cooperatively, rather than as a win lose proposition. Make communication honest and open. Use specific behaviors to describe another person’s annoying habit rather than general statements about their personality. Avoid loaded words that tend to trigger negative emotional reactions in listener. Use a positive approach and help other person save face limit complaints to recent behavior and to the current situation. Assume responsibility for your own feedings and preferences.

It you can use an assertive communication style; you will find it easier to head off and deal constructively with conflict situations.